Monday, December 7, 2009



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Yoochun walked with his head filled with so many questions. Their group was currently experiencing a problem. And somehow everything and everyone around them were starting to get affected, one by one…. especially their fans.

He sighed heavily. It was almost Christmas time and such a frustrating problem suddenly came. Only a miracle could solve their problem now. Everything was already out of hand. Too many people were already involved and too many opinions and decisions were being considered. There were times that he was even thinking that maybe it was better to just give up and go their separate ways.

Lately he had noticed the gap, the invisible wall that was separating all of them. And as each day passes by, he knew the wall just kept on growing. And it was only a short time before they would no longer be able to reach each other, even if they wanted to. He wanted things to return to the same state it was before. But things got complicated and mistakes can never be undone.

He slowly sat down on a swing. There were only a few people left in the park. And since it was already passed 10 o’ clock, no one was even bothering to look at him.

This was the only place that he could find refuge, the only spot where he could enjoy some peaceful time alone, away from all the hectic schedules and the screaming fans. He knew his fellow DBSK members were also tired from all the work they had been doing for the last couple of months. It was like there whole world was already centered on the fact that they belonged to the famous group, DBSK. They had no privacy, no life, no love…. no one special to share their achievements with. Somehow he felt like their lives were becoming pointless as time moved on.

“I’m really tired. Why is my life like this?” he unexpected said out loud with his head bent down.

“Uhmmm… Excuse me, can I… I ask for your signature?” a voice suddenly said.

Yoochun quickly looked at the person standing in front of him. “You’re asking for my signature?” he asked a young boy about 17 years old. It wasn’t everyday that a boy would come up to him and ask for his signature.

The boy quickly nodded. “Well, it isn’t for me. It’s for my younger sister,” he added.

“Oh, I see… “ Yoochun uttered as a smile appeared on his lips. He couldn’t help but admire the young boy in front of him. The boy must really love his sister, he thought.

“Can you please sign this?” the boy asked as he shyly gave Yoochun a cd. It was one of their Japanese singles.

Yoochun took the cd and pen and was about to write when… “What’s the name of your sister?” he asked the boy.

“Yumiko,” the boy uttered with a sad tone.

Yoochun quickly stared at the boy. “And your name is?”

“My name is Hiro,” the boy answered. “I’m sorry for disturbing you,” he added politely.

Yoochun lightly laughed. “It’s okay,” he said. He had already returned the cd when he looked at the boy again. “Tell me, how did you know that I would be here?”

Hiro suddenly felt embarrassed to answer Yoochun’s question. “I… I had been following you and your friends for a month now. But I always get blocked by your body guards. My sister’s birthday is next week. So I had been trying to get close to one of you, so I can fulfill my promise.”

“So you’ve been stalking me and my friends, so you can give your sister her birthday gift?” Yoochun asked curiousy.

Hiro nodded.

“Honestly I admire your determination to fulfill your promise to your sister,” Yoochun uttered. He then paused and looked at the cd the boy was holding. And immediately he thought of a wonderful idea. “Do you think you can give me your sister’s full name and your address?”

Hiro looked at Yoochun with curiosity written all over his face. “Yes… but can I ask why?”

“I just want to give your sister some additional gifts that would surely make her happy,” Yoochun answered.

The boy’s face lit up with joy. “Thank you…. I know Yumiko would be delighted to receive more gifts… especially if it came from you.”

“I will be sending the gifts tomorrow,” Yoochun said with a bright smile.


“Hyung, why are we signing this?” Changmin asked Yoochun with a slight irritation and a confused look on his face. He had just entered the kitchen and was about to get his breakfast.

“Sign first, before you eat,” Jaejoong said with a laugh. “No signature, no food.”

“Oh, that’s harsh. How many signatures do you need?” Changmin asked back as he hurriedly took the cd and pen away from Yoochun.

Yunho who was already filling up a cd with some personal messages laughed out loud. “That’s our very helpful Changmin…”

“Yoochun met a boy last night who had been stalking us for a month now. He had promised his sister a cd with our signatures on it as a birthday gift. So we’re helping out…” Junsu explained with a bright smile. He felt so happy to do such a wonderful thing for someone… especially a fan. Somehow he feels like it has been a long time since they did something special… together.

“Oh, now I understand. You should have just told me straight away,” Changmin said.

“How about if… we just bring our gifts personally? Don’t you think that would be a much nicer gift?” Jaejoong asked the other members.

The other boys nodded their heads and agreed right away. “I got the address here. How about if we just go now and surprise the girl?” Yoochun asked happily.

“Yes, that’s a great idea,” Yunho added. He was suddenly excited and happy.

“Okay then…. We’ll leave in an hour,” Junsu uttered.


After an hour…

“Thank you …. but Yumiko’s dead,” an old woman said as she politely accepted the boys gifts.

“Dead?” Yoochun couldn’t believe what he heard.

The old woman nodded her head and took out the picture of her daughter. She then gave the picture to Yoochun. “She died a week ago… She had been sick for the past three years. But she kept on fighting… everyday… hoping…” a bitter smile appeared on the old woman’s lips.

The DBSK boys pitied Yumiko. She was still very young.

“But Hiro… he said that he was going to give her a gift for her birthday. So we thought that she was…” Yoochun tried to explain.

“Still alive? Hmmm….When Yumiko was still alive Hiro promised her that he would give her a cd with your signatures on it for her birthday. She was already an avid fan even before she got sick. And even though her sickness prevented her from doing the ordinary things she used to enjoy… She found another passion that kept her busy until the very end of her life. Because of your group, she found her passion for writing. As time passed by, her sickness grew worst but she still tried to be strong and never allowed herself to lose contact with all the things that were happening with all of you…. your lives, your careers… your music. Somehow I feel like… you were another reason why she tried to fight longer. She would always listen to your songs whenever she was in pain. I know she would be very happy that all of you came here…. Thank you for taking the time and all the effort to make my daughter … happy,” the old woman uttered as she slowly cried.

The DBSK boys were totally speechless. They were taken by surprise by what they found out. The happy memory they were expecting was instantly replaced with sadness, pity and regret.

It was then that Hiro suddenly appeared with a small book in his hands. “Thank you for all the gifts you guys brought. In exchange, I would like to give you this.”

“What is it?” Yunho asked.

“It’s Yumiko’s diary…. I know it would really make her happy, if you guys accept this,” Hiro replied.

“Oh no… We can’t possibly accept that…. That’s too personal. You should be the ones to keep it,” Jaejoong uttered.

“Please do accept it. I have read the whole diary, and all the words she had written in that small book are already engraved in my heart. I will remember those words even if the book is gone. Please accept it,” the old woman softly uttered.

The DBSK members exchanged glances with one another. Somehow they were asking each other whether to accept the book being given or not.

A few minutes passed…

With trembling hands, Junsu carefully reached out for Yumiko’s diary. “Thank you…” he uttered softly to Hiro.

Hiro smiled…. “I should be the one thanking you… all of you. You have all made my sister very happy with your music…. and your songs.”


Another hour passed, at the boys’ apartment….

Jaejoong carefully opened the diary and started to read out loud… The first half of the small book was full of details of their past achievements. The DBSK boys were very touched. They couldn’t believe that someone could really give so much attention to them, when she obviously had other important things to give attention to.

Jaejoong read on and on… somehow the words he was reading were becoming too addicting. He just longed for more and more…

“What is happiness? All of us have different definitions for it. But for me, I only have one answer, and that is DBSK. They made me happy during the times I was sad. Their songs were my companions during the times I was alone. They were my special friends, even if it was only in my dreams and in my stories. Because of them, I met so many friends online. I never thought I would be able to meet so many people from different countries, and instantly feel the connection with them. Sometimes I wonder if the DBSK boys even know the kind of power that they have. They have brought so many people together from different walks of life without realizing it. They are truly like gods in their own right. And I believe their name fits them perfectly, The Rising Gods Of The East”

“They are my very own special gods that have brought a special light into my darkening life. They made my dull and fading world, full of color and life once again. Because of them, I learned so many things that I will never learn in one lifetime. And even if I was at the very end, I am still thankful. They brought out the other side of me, which I never really knew. I learned how to write wonderful stories all because I was in love. I was in love with all of them in my own little world of imagination. I placed myself in the shoes of all the thousands of fans that kept on screaming their names. I wanted to play out the various scenes that were constantly playing in my head. I wanted to create a world wherein their fans can enter and also interact with them. The stories I wrote were the worlds created by my mind so to give happiness to other people. Now I know how it feels like to actually make other people happy without asking anything in return, and just being myself and enjoying the endless words of joy that fans like me are giving for the stories I have written. Unexpectedly, I learned humility.”

“There were times I couldn’t bear the pain anymore and just wanted to give up. But their songs made me think twice. The words in their songs gave me hope and a new meaning in life. Their melodies touched my lonely heart and erased the traces of pain that entered my life day after day. Whenever I feel down, I would just watch them perform and I would suddenly feel happy again. The smiles and laughs they shared made me think that life is still worth fighting for. Whenever I see them, I remember my brother and my mother, like them they are also the reasons why I keep on fighting. I want to live and breathe as long as my body would allow me to. I want to experience the happiness that life has to offer. I want to give what I can to others so I can at least have something to leave to all the important people in my life.”

“How funny, just when you thought that everything is already at the end. Something happens and you suddenly realized that everything is really just beginning. I thought my life was really over the moment I learned I was sick and I only had about a few months up to a year to live. After I learned about this, I became bitter and I hated everything and everyone around me.”

“But because of the love my mother and brother showered me with, I slowly learned how to accept my fate. Yes, I was dying. But it didn’t mean that I can no longer live like a normal person. I was sick, but I wasn’t dead. I still had a chance to do things.”

“I returned to my normal life. But my life was already restricted. I was forced to be confined in my own little world, my small sanitized room, free from dust and small particles that might make me sick. My body was already failing and I wasn’t allowed to catch even the simplest sickness. I felt like I was trapped. There were times I wanted to break free and just ran out of the door and get myself all soaked up in the rain like the way I used to. How I missed playing in the rain with my brother.”

“Two years passed, the pain grew much worse and stayed longer. But I was already immune. I just took everything without any complaints.”

“Already nearing the end, but I am happy. My brother just bought the latest cd of DBSK. But of course, my dream of owning a cd with all the boys’ signatures is still a fantasy. He promised me I would get one for my birthday. My birthday will be in three weeks time. I hope I can still make it. I can feel my body is starting to endure the pain more horribly now. But the pain I am feeling can’t even compare with the pain I feel after I learned about the trouble the DBSK boys are going through. I pity them. I wish I could fly to their side and just comfort them. I know they are going through a hard time right now.”

“Keep on fighting! No matter what hardships you guys are facing right now. There will always be a light that will come your way. Always remember your fans will always support you in whatever decisions you make. I know you guys are in pain right now. But everything will come and go. Just hold on to each other tightly and everything will be all right. Just keep trusting each other, and all the trials will pass. I believe in you, the same way the thousands of other fans believe in you. We will always love you and support you no matter what happens.”

“I feel strange today. I don’t know why. I have been singing the boys’ songs for the last few days. I just feel like I want to sing and sing like there’s no tomorrow. And another weird thing, I greeted someone Merry Christmas, even though it’s still a month away. I am acting more peculiar as the days pass by. Also I easily get tired these passed few days. I am listening to Insa right now. And although it’s too sad, I always find it so soothing to listen to. I am going to rest for a while after this. Then I am going to watch some videos again. I have missed the DBSK boys so much. They haven’t appeared in any new shows lately. I wish all their troubles will finally come to an end. I know all their other fans are also missing them as well. Keep on fighting, I will always pray for you guys. Even if I die today, and when I finally go to heaven, I will still keep on praying for you to always be together and continuously make beautiful music forever.”

Jaejoong stopped reading. It was the last entry. Tears were already streaming down his face. He couldn’t help but feel so touched and blessed. He looked at the other DBSK members, and they were crying as well.

Unexpectedly, Yunho stood up. “Let’s make an angel happy… Let’s promise to always be together and continue to make beautiful music until we all grow old.”

The DBSK boys gave each other the most loving and longest embrace they had ever given each other. An angel touched their lives. And they will forever learn from the simple lessons and words she had taught them.


A month later… on a Christmas fan meeting…

All the DBSK boys were already on stage… before they performed their last song, Jaejoong unexpectedly decided to make a short speech…

“This song is dedicated to an angel we never really met, but who touched our lives with her meaningful words. She had taught us how to live life to the fullest.. She made us see our mistakes and she made us stronger. She will always be in our hearts. This is for you…. Yumiko… and thank you.”

As the boys sang together again, tears of joy streamed down from their eyes. They will always keep their promise… They will always make beautiful music together…. forever…
Somehow… they know an angel was singing with them up in heaven…..


It has been exactly a year since he last saw her.

On this very day, during Christmas on the previous year, she left him without saying goodbye. As if he was in the power to undo it all, he kept on picturing her figure walking towards him with a wide smile carved across her pretty face, hoping that the figure was solid and touchable.

He sighed.

The breeze was ice cold. He stood there, over-looking the frozen lake with so much love trapped inside his heart. He wanted to release this heavy burden along with the blowing wind, but the more he looked out to the dark blue sky, the more he was reminded of her smiles and laughter. How he missed her dearly.

“Jaejoong-hyung, it’s getting late. We should head back now or both of us might freeze to death.”

He lowered his head as puffs of white smoke exited his lungs. He examined the ground down below as if some handwriting might appear from the sand to provide him with answers. He wasn’t ready to go just yet.


Jaejoong brought his gloved hands to his face and covered it momentarily. Then, he slowly turned and faced the bored Shim Changmin. He was glad that he brought this sort of company. Changmin wasn’t the type to ask, unless if it involves good food.

“Let’s go,” he uttered at last, catching the car keys thrown by the younger man.

The journey back was silent. Changmin fell asleep inside the car, leaving Jaejoong to drive alone in the middle of the night. The only sound that fills the car was the soft humming from the radio. With one hand on the steering wheel and the other arm placed on the windowsill, he couldn’t help bringing her back to his thoughts. It wasn’t any better on other days, but the fact that it was Christmas, he was deeply affected.

“Out of the 365 days in a year, why did you have to pick this day to break my heart?” he whispered as if she was somewhere very near. Jaejoong couldn’t deny that his mind was everywhere. He was unaware that he was now driving the car at an unlawful speed.

It happened so quickly. In moments, he couldn’t see or hear anything. He tried to move a muscle but it felt as if something was grabbing tightly onto his skin, pushing him down. Had it been screeching sounds and a distant screaming? Had it been a blinding light and scattering glasses?

Is this what they call… a car accident?



The melody of the voice was strangely familiar. It sounded far away. He couldn’t decide if it was a voice in his head or someone he knows was actually calling out for him.

His eye-lids slowly parted.

The light in the room was dimmed. He caught the sight of a high ceiling in front of him and the comfort of the mattress on his back. His head felt heavy and as he tried to lift himself up. His eyes roamed around and scanned for anything he could identify.

He was inside someone else’s bedroom. There was no one in sight but the doors to the balcony were left open. Soft, icy breeze pushed the thin curtains to make way for its entrance, sending slight shivers to the skin. The dimmed sunshine slipped through possible gaps, lighting nearby areas of the floors.

Jaejoong glanced side-ways and all over himself. Where is this place? Is he dead? Or was that the most outrageous dream he ever had? He was confused.

Slowly, he stepped out of the bed, feet touching the cold parquet. Everything in this room seemed so familiar, like he’d seen it on a page in a magazine not too long ago. He looked around at the walls in admiration until a huge painting of a portrait caught his attention. His heart-beat raced as he stood up and walked nearer to have a closer look. His eyes didn’t deceive him after all. The person in that portrait is really him!

“What is this?” he whispered to himself as he circled on the spot, trying to make sense of the situation. “Hello? Is there anyone here?” he called out.

Nothing replied. Only the wind kept on blowing and the sun kept shining ever so dimly.

Then he glanced over at the balcony. He fixed his jacket and made his way towards the opened doors. It was noon but the wind was cold. Slowly, a wide courtyard fell into view. Patches of snow could be seen on the flatland and on the trees. Either it has only started to snow or that winter was nearly over, he was sure that today wasn’t Christmas.

Did he somehow have slept for a long time?

Once he was on the balcony, he rubbed his arms to help warm himself up. The subtle heat from the sunshine didn’t help him at all. He looked side-ways to search for more clues of where he was, and perhaps to confirm his timeline.


The voice called again. He turned around in the hope to catch the person who called out to him yet again. And he got what he wished for.

The moment he laid his eyes on that beautiful angel, his heartbeat stopped abruptly.

“I’ve missed you, Jaejoong-ah…” she uttered softly, with a painful smile on her face.


The two of them faced each other over the coffee table downstairs. Neither could find anything interesting to speak of despite the length of time they have been apart. Only their eyes were communicating silent whispers of longing.

Jaejoong couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to say something. He had so many questions to ask and the silence was killing him. But he wasn’t sure where to begin.

“Please say it,” she spoke softly. “I know you have things to speak to me. Just say it.”

Jaejoong examined her sweet smile, shocked at the possibility of her reading his mind. Her hands were carefully holding each other on her lap. Somehow she looked anxious at what she’s about to hear.

Jaejoong sighed.

“Is… Is this real?” Jaejoong uttered under his breath, not sure if it’s the right thing to start off with. He glanced at her direction. Her eyes were unsure but she gave him another smile.

“This is as real as you want it to be.”

Jaejoong’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t understand what she meant. One minute he was inside the car with Changmin on his way back to the apartment, and the next, he’s lying on someone else’s bed and in someone else’s room. As he thought that he’s having some sort of illusion after a hard knock on his head, she claims that this is as much as a reality as it could be. It doesn’t make sense.

Wait. Where the hell is Changmin?

“Did I come here alone?” he asked as a sudden gush of concern ran through his veins. A quick blood-rush flushed to his face as the fact that he might’ve indeed slept for a long time and skipped a good amount of days hit him. And the thought that there is a large loophole in his memory terrified him.

She looked at her hands, calmly brushing them together. The sadness was still present in her eyes. There was something she didn’t want to tell him. At least, maybe she wasn’t ready.

“I’m the reason you’re here, Jaejoong-ah,” she whispered. “I was being selfish and I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“What are you talking about?”

Suddenly the visions of a year ago flashed through his mind. One by one, it ran in and out of his memory box, giving him moments to reminisce that bittersweet chapter of his life.

It was once beautiful. Everything seemed perfect as he was holding tightly to her hands, guiding her along the silent pathway back to her doorsteps. It was a cold night, the snow was inches deep and they’d just had the most wonderful Christmas dinner in a quiet restaurant in town, just the two of them. Jaejoong thought that it was the most perfect night that he will remember for the rest of his life. In fact, it was too perfect that one could guess something should go wrong soon. And so it did…

When Jaejoong texted her the next day just to wish her a good morning, he was only greeted by a long silence of his cell phone. This has never happened before for the two excited. He was on a live set when he tried again, this time calling her for a straight 15 tries. It wasn’t her caller ringtone that answered him, or even the voice mailbox for that matter. It was the voice of the operator, saying that the number he called doesn’t exist. What he felt then was worse than worry. The thought of not seeing her again, killed him.

And the pain lasted for a long time, because he never heard anything from her ever since.

Until now…

“It was unplanned,” she started. Slowly, she stood up and took a few steps away from him. She pulled her arms to cover herself from the shivers of regret and remorse. Her white, silk dress flew lightly behind her as the soft wind blew across the room.

It was a magnificent view for Jaejoong to see the love of his life standing there, looking perfect and angel-like that he could only wish to grab her in his arms. How he missed the warm heat from her body and the sweet scent that came from her soft hair.

Unknown to himself, he was already nearing towards her, one step at a time.

“I was told that it was going to be a long family vacation,” she continued, still unaware of the closing distance between them.

With care, Jaejoong kept a reasonable distance in fear that he might startle her. After all, he just wanted to relive his memories, inhaling her scent into his lungs and let it send sparks to his heart once again.

“I didn’t even know when they managed to sneak into my room and took my cell phone away.” Her voice started to shake. “I was so scared that I didn’t know what to do. Everything happened in a rush, and they didn’t give me a chance to say anything about it. At that moment, I felt like a prisoner. My hands were tied and my lips were glued.”

This is when she turned around and let out a gasp at the sudden view of Jaejoong’s worried face very close to hers.

“I only wanted to say…” she paused to hold down the shock and a painful sob. “Goodbye.”

Jaejoong did nothing but stare at her flawless details. The trapped feelings inside his heart found no trouble at all finding its rightful place now that he’s standing in front of its rightful owner. He was overwhelmed when he could feel her soft breath brushing his skin. This girl is really real. And she’s standing right in front of him, after all the pain that he had gone through.

“That was when I was sent to this place,” she added.

Their distance was so close that both of them found it rather hard to breath. The room felt a bit warmer as they kept their eye-contact. Jaejoong wanted to crush his lips on hers already, but he knew it’ll be too awkward.

“What is this place?” he asked instead, steadying his breaths.

“This is our home, Jaejoong-ah, the one that I’ve always pictured ever since you asked me to be yours alone.”

This is when it struck him. Of course this place looks weirdly familiar. Of course there was a portrait of him on the wall inside the bedroom. This is all what she always talked to him about, asking his opinion if he agrees with her or not ever since he presented her the ring. How could he forget?

But why is this place being what it is? It doesn’t make any sense.

“Is this what I think it is?” he mumbled under his breath. He didn’t want to admit it, but it was the best explanation he could tell himself. He was hoping for her to say otherwise, but her small nod crushed his heart to the ground.

“And I don’t have much time left.”

“How do you know that? We could both stay here as long as we wish to, right?” Jaejoong tried to look on every possible positive reason he could hang on to.

“No, Jaejoong-ah. You still have a long way to go. It’s only unfortunate for me to have a very weak body.” Tears started to stream down her cheeks. Seeing those pearls on her pretty complexion, Jaejoong felt like his heart were torn apart. “This was my last wish.”

Out of his own will, his hands crawled upwards to search for her neck, landing them lightly but comfortably just above her shoulders. Her skin was cold, as cold as the wind outside. It easily occurred to him that she’s in fact dying, inside and out, a painful truth that he had to accept. He pulled her closer in the hope to console not only her heart, but also his which couldn’t seem to clot its own bleeding.

“It was really lonely here without you,” she mumbled into his chest. “I couldn’t even remember Christmas clearly. Maybe that day was too painful that I forget it on purpose. I can’t even make it snow properly.”

He recalled the weird rhythm of snow patches outside. “So it’s still Christmas today?”

She didn’t reply, but Jaejoong felt his shirt was drenched with cold wetness on one spot. “I don’t want to go,” she sobbed.

“Then don’t…” he spoke through her hair. He left one light kiss on the top of her head and tightened his hold around her. “Stay here with me.”

“But it’s not my choice to make and not yours as well.”

“Don’t say such harsh things. We’ll take our chances,” Jaejoong spoke softly.

“Promise me you’ll try and make yourself happy. It hurts not seeing you smile.” She pulled away from him and held onto his hands instead. Her eyes were glittery but it was full of hope. Jaejoong had to nod. She smiled at him and that was the last smile he will ever receive from her.

As she looked deeply into his eyes, she whispered, “Merry Christmas, my darling husband. I have nothing to offer to you on this special day, except for my undying love for only you.”

As soon as their lips touched, Jaejoong was knocked unconscious by a painful thud on his chest. It was once again that blurred vision of blacks and whites. The outline of her figure was now far from his reach. He knew that this time, it was really goodbye…


The smell of medicine stung his nostrils and forced him to open up his eye-lids. Everything was white at first, but it slowly turned to a light shade of green. He was in a hospital ward.

“Hyung? Are you awake?”

A distant familiar voice rang in his ears. As a sharp pain pulled at the back of his head, he tried to turn his head to find the face of the speaker.

“Yoochun?” he asked weakly.

“Oh! Thank God you’re awake! We were really worried that we’ll lose our lead singer to a stupid car accident!” Yoochun scream and muttered, too happy that his hyung wasn’t in a coma that the doctor had warned them to be a possible thing to happen.

“Yah, don’t say such things. Just be glad that he’s safe, okay?” Yunho stormed back at Yoochun.

Jaejoong felt pain lurking to every part of his body. The most pain was coming from his head, which he find to be the hardest to move at the moment.

“Stay still, hyung. It won’t look good if an ugly scar appeared at the back of your head,” Junsu mumbled. “I wouldn’t want the group to look bad because of it.”

Without asking for it, a painful smack quickly landed on Junsu’s own head. “Be more polite, could you?” Yunho thundered.

“C-changmin-ah…” Jaejoong called out.

“He’s alright Jaejoongie,” Yunho answered for him. “He only had scratches here and there. It was you who got the most blows out of the accident.”

Jaejoong tried to process everything inside his brain, but it was really painful. He can remember the blinding lights, the screeching sounds and shattering glasses, but everything else was blurred. He knew he had one thing to remember, but what is it?

“Oh, hyung. A woman I met at the corridor wanted me to give you a note. Would you like me to read it for you?” Yoochun spoke suddenly.

Jaejoong mouthed the word ‘yes’ and Yoochun began unfolding the piece of paper.

“Jaejoong, I’m sorry I’ve kept it a secret from you. Your wife suffered from a coma for exactly a year now and we decided to stop her suffering. Her body was weakly responding to the machines and keeping her attached to it was a painful view to our hearts. So we’re pulling the plugs and we thought it’s only fair to let you know. Consider it as our apology from taking her away from you, especially when both of you were newlyweds, even if the marriage was held in secret. Please forgive our selfishness and may all of us be reunited with her in heaven. We will pull the plug at midnight on the 26th of December, at exactly 365 days from the day she had the accident. P/S: We hope you’ll get better soon. –your mother-in-law.”

“It’s already 2 hours passed midnight,” they whispered.

Then everything reoccurred to him. Visible to the eyes of the other three, a trail of liquid ran down the corner of Jaejoong’s eyes as he stared blankly at the ceiling above.


“There he goes again, whining all the way into the night…”

The little wingless being floated outside Jaejoong’s room in the darkness of the night. She will always be there for every night of every day of every week. She observed him attentively, following his every step as he moved around his room, composing songs, singing and humming wonderful tunes, or dancing to the beat of his song. She never got tired of this habit.

But lately, he had been restless due to something that she didn’t know of. She can’t read
minds, but she can understand human behavior. Jaejoong always paces around his room, no longer humming any tunes and started to mumble to himself. She began to worry.

“Hm… maybe I should move closer…” She wanted to hear what Jaejoong was mumbling about.

The little angel glided closer to the window of Jaejoong’s room. She came too close to the window panes and a loud thud was heard. Jaejoong turned sideways and his eyes fell on her.

“Who are you?” He asked.


He moved to his window and opened it. The little angel moved a few steps backwards away from him.

“No! Don’t be afraid… I won’t hurt you…” He said, while holding out a pair of warm hands to get her out of the winter cold.

The cute being didn’t move. She looked scared and confused.

“Come, you’ll catch a cold if you stay like that. I’ll make you a cup of hot chocolate, how about that?? Come on in…”

The pair of gentle hands reached out even more, as if begging to be reached. With shivering hands, the little angel grabbed them tightly and went into the room. Jaejoong placed her on his bed, and covered her with his blanket so that she’ll be warm from the cold snow. After making sure that she’s comfortable, he asked,

“What’s your name?”

“My… name?”

Jaejoong nodded, waiting for her answer.

“My name… is… Hyun Ae…“

“Ah… Just like an angel… Wait for a bit, okay? I’ll make you a mug of hot chocolate.”

Then, he disappeared into the kitchen.

“Hot… chocolate…?” Hyun Ae had never tasted it before. But as the warm, milky liquid flowed through her body, she fell in love with it.


“You liked it? Good.” Jaejoong smiled. He pulled his chair and sat right in front of her.

“So, where do you live? How can I contact your parents?”

“I... live? Pa…rents?”

She was shocked. Even without the shock, she could never answer those questions. She wasn’t living, and she had no parents. She had always been alone.

Seeing that she wasn’t going to answer, he guessed that maybe she was an orphan. He felt pity for her.

“It’s okay… you can stay here as long as you want.” He smiled encouragingly. “Wait, I’ll tell the others.”

He went out of the room and entered the living room.

“Hey guys, I have a little girl in my room, and can she stay? I think she’s an orphan, and she has nowhere else to go…”

“A little girl?? I didn’t know you have interest in them…” Yoochun chuckled.

*BAM!* A newspaper hit on the back of Yoochun’s head. Hard.

“I was just joking!!! J-O-K-E!!”

“Deserves you right.” Turning to face Jaejoong, Yunho said, “How did she get there?”

“I don’t know… she was right on my balcony, and I saw that she was freezing. So I got
her inside to warm herself up. I asked about her parents, but…” Explained Jaejoong.

“Oh….” Changmin nodded in understanding.

“So…” Jaejoong was still waiting for their answer.

“Why don’t we give her in to the police? Surely they can take care of her.” Suggested Junsu.

“No… I don’t think she’ll like that…” Said Jaejoong.

“Then what’s your plan?? Keeping her here? Surely the manager won’t let us… only the employees of SME can come in here, let alone LIVING…” Yunho pointed out. He looked straight into Jaejoong’s eyes, urging him to think about it.

“Yeah, I know… but…”

“She can stay, if she works for us…. Right?” Suggested Changmin.

“Yeah, and what?? What can she do? Be our maid or something??? Come on, she’s barely 12!!! She should be in school!!” Yunho became uneasy with the suggestion. They already had enough on their hands right now, let alone taking in an orphaned girl into their home…

Suddenly, the girl walked into the living room on her way to the kitchen. She wanted to clean her mug, after finishing the hot chocolate. She saw the five handsome young men, and bowed politely to them. She gave them her sweetest smile, which melted away Yunho’s argument.

“She’s… so cute!!! I wish she was my sister!!!” Said Yunho.

“Hey… Your REAL sister will be heartbroken if she hears that, you know…” Yoochun giggled. They all knew that Yunho had changed his mind.

“Okay, I’ll ask the manager about this first thing in the morning tomorrow.” Yunho gave in.

“But where will she sleep tonight?” Asked Junsu.

“She’ll take my room… I’ll be taking the couch tonight. Later we can prepare her room, replacing the unused guest room right beside mine.” Suggested Jaejoong.

“It’s settled then.”

“Guys!!! The food is ready!!!”

Hurry came Changmin, followed by four other hungry stomachs. They sat around the table, and indulged into the delicious dinner that night. Hyun Ae observed them happily, and ate her food slowly.

“Burp!!” Changmin quickly covered his mouth in the presence of Hyun Ae. She laughed while clearing the table.

“How long has it been? 5 years?? For 5 years I had the opportunity to eat delicious food… Ah… I’m blessed…” Stated Changmin while relaxing on the sofa.

“Haha… you, your stomach and your food…” Laughed Yoochun without turning his gaze from the television screen. They all relaxed in front of the television after every meal. Tonight, Hyun Ae busied herself with knitting something that looked like a blue scarf.

“Wow… You’re so talented… You can do everything, from cooking to cleaning, knitting stuff… Where did you learn all this??”

Hyun Ae did not know how to answer. As an angel of time, she can choose either to grow up or to stay young, she can turn back time to be a little kid again… For the past thousand years, she had learned all this… Can she say it like that to them??

Of course not.

“Maybe it’s in the genes. Who knows, maybe your mother was as talented as you are.” Jaejoong smiled.

“Maybe.” She returned it, a hundred times sweeter. Changmin saw it and quickly became somber.

“I think I’ll go to bed first. Not feeling very well.” Then, he disappeared into his own room.

“Looking by the way he ate just know, no wonder he’s sick…” Laughed Junsu.

By midnight, everybody had gone to sleep except for Jaejoong and Hyun Ae. She was still knitting, while he was watching the television.

“Aren’t you tired? You have to wake up early tomorrow for school, you know.” Jaejoong turned off the television and turned towards Hyun Ae.

“It’s okay. I already done all my homework. Besides, this scarf must be completed before winter comes… I’m already late…”

“You can buy them… You don’t have to make it yourself…” Pitied Jaejoong.

“No, it’s okay. I love knitting. I wanted to make my own. Besides, I don’t want to waste any money…”

“It’s not wasting, Hyun Ae. You need it. It’s a necessity.”
Hyun Ae did not reply. She kept on knitting while biting her lips. Jaejoong knew that he will not win this argument.


Jaejoong became alarmed. He quickly grabbed Hyun Ae’s right hand and observed it. Red fluid can be seen flowing from its tip, where Hyun Ae had hurt herself.

“It’s okay. I’ll go and get the plaster.” Stated Hyun Ae.

“No! Stay here. I’ll go and get the plaster.” Jaejoong said, as he ran to the kitchen to grab the first aid kit.

After a while, Jaejoong came back with a bundle of plasters and a big bottle of iodine. Without any experience, he struggled with all of them while trying to treat Hyun Ae. At last, she became a mess.

“You should have let me do it.” Said Hyun Ae.

“But… you were injured…. I should…”

“No… it’s okay… I was just joking… It looks good. It’ll heal in no time…” Hyun Ae smiled.

Jaejoong pulled her injured finger and kissed them lovingly. Hyun Ae was so shocked that all her breath was knocked out from her lungs. She looked at his face without blinking.

“Now, it will surely heal faster.” He laughed lightly and pulled up his face. Seeing Hyun Ae’s shocked eyes, he quickly let go of her hand. He coughed lightly before he retreated to his own room.

“Goodnight, Hyun Ae. Study hard tomorrow.”

“Good… night…”

Hyun Ae still hadn’t recovered from her shock the next morning. She stayed in a dreamy
state all day long. Changmin became curious.

What happened? Did something happen yesterday? I saw hyung came into his room also in a dreamy state… Did the two of them…?

He resolved that he shouldn’t wait any longer. He must let the song of his heart be clear to the only love of his life. He must tell Hyun Ae how he felt.

Hyun Ae was busy preparing the feast for Christmas Eve, when suddenly she saw something sparkling on the kitchen counter. She thought that it must’ve been Jaejoong’s stuff, as he had always left them there before. But it was Junsu who pointed out that it was hers.

“Hey, it’s for you, Hyun Ae.” Said Junsu.

“Really?” Hyun Ae washed her hands and went beside Junsu who was trying to read the card that was put together with the beautifully decorated golden box, her favourite colour.

“Hey! It’s not right to read someone else’s card, you know!!” Hyun Ae tried to reach for the card, but Junsu ran away with it in his hands. Hyun Ae chased him all around the kitchen, until Junsu bumped into Yunho.

“What’s this?” Asked Yunho.

“Junsu took my card which I myself hadn’t read…” Pouted Hyun Ae. Tears can be seen forming in the corner of her eyes.

Yunho took the card from Junsu, and passed it to Hyun Ae. “There you go. Don’t let him bully you anymore, okay? Just tell me whenever he does so, and I’ll deal with him later.”

“Aww, hyung….” This time Junsu was the one who pouted.

“Enough. Didn’t I ask you to help the others decorate the Christmas tree??” Stated Yunho.

“Okay…” Junsu retreated to the living room with Yunho.

As she was left alone with the present and the card, she took the time to read it.

Dear sweet Hyun Ae… You are the one and only girl that knocked on the door of my heart and unlocked it without any force. You made me smile, you made me laugh… I am so happy and blessed to be by your side. Now, I want to make my feelings clear for you. Please wait for me in the nearby park after the feast tonight. I’ll be waiting, whether you come or not…

The card was not signed by its sender. Hyun Ae couldn’t guess who it was, as the card was printed, not handwritten. Her gaze turned towards the present. She opened the box slowly, and as she saw the content of the box, she gasped. It was exactly the most beautiful and the most expensive bracelet that she wanted to buy herself as soon as she could save up enough money for it. She reached for it slowly, and held it gently in her hands. A tear of thankfulness fell onto her cheeks.

Suddenly Jaejoong came into the kitchen to wash his hands. Hyun Ae quickly shoved the present away from sight and resumed her work. Jaejoong looked at her intently and seemed like he wanted to say something, but he left without saying anything.

**After the feast**

“Where are you going?” Asked Yunho. He was concerned that his little ‘sister’ was going out alone on Christmas Eve. He was worried, and curious.

“Oh… I just wanted to meet up with some friends… We promised to gather tonight…” Explained Hyun Ae. She smiled, in hope that he will let her go out to the park tonight. She needed to thank the sender of the gift, and maybe… to return his feelings with her own…
Yunho nodded, giving her the permission to go out. Not long after that, Jaejoong grabbed his coat and went out.

“Now, where is HE going?” Asked Yunho. He wanted for all of them to stay together, at least on Christmaas Eve, but it seemed that everyone wanted to go out and left him all alone.

“I don’t know, but I’m going out too.” Stated Changmin. Before Yunho could say anything, Changmin disappeared into the darkness outside.


Jaejoong sighed heavily while kicking away the snow in the park. From time to time, he peeked at his watch to check the time.

Again, he sighed.

His mind replayed what had happened 3 hours ago, in the kitchen.

He wanted to put the little package on the kitchen counter, but he was out run by Changmin. His gift was already there, elegant and extravagant. When Changmin walked pass him, he quickly hid away his little package. He backed out from the kitchen, and into his room, to put the gift back into his closet, where he had kept the present since before he could remember. Suddenly, a knock was heard on the door to his bedroom.
Without any invitation, Changmin came into his room and sat on his bed.

“Sorry hyung, I will not let her go. I’ve wanted to tell her how I felt for so long, and now was the perfect time to do so. You had your chance, but you missed it. Now it’s mine.
Sorry, hyung.”

Without turning around to face Changmin, Jaejoong answered.

“It’s okay… I know I had missed it… Just… promise me… take care of her real hard, okay? Just… that…”

“I will.” Then Changmin went out from Jaejoong’s room.

A heartbroken tear fell onto the cheeks of Jaejoong. He looked up into the dark, starless sky. How he wished he could turn back time.

Suddenly, he heard voices from between the trees behind him. He moved closer, and his sharp ears caught what the pair of lovers was saying.

“Thank you so much… for the present…” Said Hyun Ae.

“It’s no big deal…” Changmin smiled.

Hyun Ae kept silent. Actually, Hyun Ae was not so comfortable being there with him. At first, she thought that it was Jaejoong who gave her the present. She was disappointed when she knew that it was actually Changmin.

He moved closer and caressed her soft cheeks.


Before he could continue, Hyun Ae cut in.

“Sorry, Changmin… I… cannot return your feelings…” She apologized.

“But…” Changmin’s face turned sour. He really wanted her to be his girlfriend.

“I… My heart is with someone else. It does not matter how hard I try to pull it away, unconsciously he will pull it back. I cannot imagine being with someone else besides him, I cannot live without him… I’m sorry Changmin….”

As soon as he heard those words, his breathing became uneven. His face reddens, as he shouted.

“NO! You are mine!!! Jaejoong hyung had been wasting his time, and it was his loss!!! Forget him! FORGET HIM!!!!” Like a little child, he begged.

Hyun Ae shook her head, and reached for his hands. She slipped in the bracelet into his hands, kissed him on his forehead, and walked away. Changmin fell on his knees, as pearl of tears escaped his eyes.

Jaejoong was speechless. He realized that he still got this one last chance, but he was afraid. Should he ran after her? Or should he wait a bit more? Maybe next year’s Valentine? Suddenly a shout was heard.

“Hyun Ae!! He gave you up for me!!!! He GAVE you to me!!! You’re MINE!!!!”
Hyun Ae turned around to face Changmin who was now standing firmly under the falling snow.


Changmin moved closer and repeated, “He gave you up for me. He said I can have you. You’re mine.”

Hyun Ae could not believe her ears. Did he really say that? Or Changmin was just bluffing??

Jaejoong quickly came out from his hide out and told her the truth. He wanted to grab his chance before it flew away, like the last time.

“Yes, I did say it like that. But now I know it’s wrong. I can’t let you go. I don’t WANT to. Hyun Ae, forgive me… I had always loved you since the first time we met, on Christmas Eve 5 years ago. You were so small and harmless. As I watched you grow up, I cannot help myself from falling for you… I’m sorry…”

He tried to reach out for her, but instead, she backed away, miles away.

“You… cannot be trusted. Who do you think I am? A doll? That you can give to anyone that you like? I’m also like you, deserve only the best. Not to be treated like this! I have feelings too, you know!” Her pearls of tears fell, as she continued, “Sorry… You gave me up once, and you’ll lose me forever…”

“Hyun Ae!!!” Jaejoong called out.

“It’s true that I have feelings for you too, but I cannot forgive you. You broke my heart, Jaejoong. I thought you were better than this. But clearly you aren’t. You don’t deserve me.”

Suddenly a strong wind blew, sending snowflakes everywhere, blurring their vision. Between his closed eyes, Jaejoong saw something that was out of his mind.
Hyun Ae returned to her small form, and walked closer towards Jaejoong. She smiled.

“Don’t worry. I’ll turn back time to when you did not even meet me. You’ll find another girl, another love… Please, cherish her… Don’t repeat the same mistake as you had done to me. Don’t worry, I will always be near you, but to be yours, I cannot.”

She kissed him lightly, and disappeared.

“Goodbye, Jaejoong”

As soon as Jaejoong opened his eyes, it was Christmas Eve, 5 years ago. He felt like he had forgotten something so important, but he failed to recall it. Feeling useless, he went out from his room to help the others with the night’s feast.

From afar, Hyun Ae watched on him closely, every time with tears in her eyes, wishing that what she did was the right thing.

“Merry Christmas, Jaejoong.”

-The End-


“I’m sorry” was all she could utter before she slowly kissed me goodbye. There was no trace of remorse or pain in her eyes, which made me more confused and hurt. Questions were continuously echoing in my mind but the words couldn’t form and my voice was somehow lost in the strong sound of the cold wind blowing.

“Where did I go wrong?” I asked myself. I gave her everything and I showered her with all the love and attention that I could ever give. I never stopped even for one second in thinking of ways on how to make her happy. I gave her everything and but she just threw them all away.

“It’s been four years.” How time passes by so quickly. Before I thought that I would never learn how to live without her. But look at me now. I am here and living a wonderful life. I am famous now. I have already saved enough money to live a comfortable life, if the time comes and I lose my fame.

“I should be happy,” I uttered out loud. But why is it that I still feel empty even though I know I already have so much to be thankful for?

“Where are you?” Even though I said I have forgotten you. I know my heart still longs for you.


“Aaahhh Hollywood… Do you think we can have a stroll afterwards? Christmas is just a week away. We should be out and buying gifts already. So do you think we can go out?” Changmin asked Yunho as soon as they arrived at their hotel.

Yunho lightly laughed. “Ask our manager… not me. I would gladly accompany you, if he miraculously agrees.”

“Hey take me with you, if you go out. I want to take a stroll too,” Junsu exclaimed excitedly.

Jaejoong shook his head. “Goodluck. We’re only going to be here for just one day. So don’t go on dreaming that we would actually have some free time to do what we want.”
Changmin’s enthusiasm quickly vanished. His hyung was right. They had a hectic schedule to keep. “Aahhh … hyung, why do you need to be so cruel? You could have at least made me day dream a little bit longer,” he uttered with a deep sigh.
Jaejoong grinned. “Day dream? Changmin, in the kind of work we are doing right now… we don’t even have enough time to breathe.”

Changmin felt all his energy was suddenly drained from his body. “Oh… there goes my dream of eating in a pizza restaurant.”

Yunho and Junsu couldn’t help but laugh.

“You can always order using the phone,” Jaejoong teased.

Yoochun, Junsu and Yunho laughed out loud while Changmin just sighed in defeat.


Several hours passed…

“Okay, we’re finished everyone. Thank you for all your hard work, “ one of the people in-charge of the photo shoot was saying

“Hey, you guys… We’re going out… Would you like to come along? I already talked to your manager and he already gave you permission to go out with us,” another one of the senior staff members said to the DBSK boys.

The DBSK boys cheered. Somehow they couldn’t believe that they finally have some time to relax.
An hour later…. They were already in a restaurant and were about to eat when….

“I’m sorry, sir… Please forgive me… Please give me another chance,” a familiar voice kept on repeating.

Jaejoong quickly looked around the place to see where the voice came from. And his heart immediately started beating wildly as soon as he laid his eyes on her.

“Please sir… Just give me another chance… I really need this job… “ the girl begged again.

The store manager just shook his head. “Sorry, but you’re fired. You can have your last paycheck before you go. That’s the last consideration I can do for you. I have been patient with you, but you really crossed the line. You’ve abused my kindness too many times.”

The girl started to cry. “But… I told you… my daughter was sick. I have no one to take care of her. Her sickness got worse so I had to bring her to the hospital. That’s why I had been absent for 3 days straight,” the girl continued to explain in between sobs.

“Look, I can’t have an employee like you. You’re too unreliable. Yes, I know it isn’t your fault. But I need someone who can be here whenever I need them and not someone who always have problems. Do you know you’re like a magnet that attracts too many problems? I really pity you. But this is business… Sorry,” the store manager uttered.

The girl cried harder. She was totally confused. She was thinking about her daughter. How was she going to take care of her now? She had no job, no money and no one to turn to.


“Mama…” a little girl happily greeted her mother as she entered the small apartment they were renting. “Why are you crying?” the little girl asked. She sweetly gave her mother a warm embrace.

Seul Rin closed her eyes. She needed to be strong…. for her daughter’s sake. She would just try to find another job as soon as possible. “Everything will be all right,” she tried to reassure herself.

“Mama, I’m hungry,” the little girl softly said.

“Wait… I am going to prepare something,” Seul Rin replied. She quickly opened the refrigerator expecting to see some foods to prepare and cook. But to her dismay, it was empty. The only thing it contained was a bottle of water.

She quickly took out the envelope in her pocket. It was her last paycheck. She started to count its content and then she took out the money she had in her wallet. She sighed. She was supposed to pay the rent on the apartment today. And the total money she had wasn’t even enough to pay half of the rent.

“Mama, I am hungry,” the little girl repeated.

Seul Rin stared at her daughter and her heart felt like it was being torn into a million pieces. As a mother, it was too painful for her to see her daughter asking for food and she had nothing to give. There were times that she kept on asking herself, if she was such a bad person to deserve such a life. And most of the time, she just kept on cursing herself for the foolish thing she made in the past. “Maybe if I didn’t left him… maybe I wouldn’t be miserable now,” she uttered to herself.

“Mama, I am hungry…” the little girl started to cry this time.

Seul Rin hurriedly took her daughter in her arms. “Ssshhhh… we’re going out to buy food… Don’t cry…” she uttered. She was about to step out of the apartment when… the moment she opened the door… someone was already waiting outside.

“Jaejoong,” she uttered.

“Hello Seul Rin,” Jaejoong said while his eyes were focused on the little girl in front of him.

The little girl stared at Jaejoong and smiled. “Are you our new neighbor? Or are you here to collect the rent for the apartment? My mama doesn’t have enough money now… Do you think you can give her some more time?” she sweetly said as if pleading.

Seul Rin bit down on her lower lip. She felt so small and degraded at that exact moment. If only she could run away and hide.

“Mama…” the little girl uttered again. “Let’s buy food huh? I am hungry…”

Jaejoong felt his heart was being crushed. He felt pity for the child in front of him. He then stared at Seul Rin. But she just looked away. Somehow she was afraid to look at him.

Jaejoong smiled at the little girl. “You’re hungry?” he asked sweetly.

The child nodded quickly.

“Come on… We’re going to buy something delicious…” he uttered as he gently took the girl from Seul Rin.

Somehow Seul Rin didn’t have the strength to do anything. She was numb all over. She just gave her daughter to Jaejoong without any complaints, and just followed them as they walked to a nearby convenience store.

As Jaejoong carried the child in his arms, his heart kept on pounding. Something about the child was making his uneasy. “What’s your name little one?” he asked sweetly.

“Hana,” the girl replied. “My mother said she gave me that named because my father likes that name very much,” she added.

Jaejoong’s heart instantly stopped after hearing the girl’s answer. “Hana,” he couldn’t help but utter. Somehow his hold on the child became tighter… Immediately he felt like he could never let go of the child ever again.

They were already back in the apartment when Jaejoong finally confronted Seul Rin.

“Is … is she my daughter?” Jaejoong asked with a trembling voice.

Seul Rin just kept her head bent down. She didn’t know what to do. She knew she couldn’t lie. “Yes,” she simply replied.

“What?” Jaejoong asked with shock. “Why didn’t you tell me? I had a right to know. Why did you do it? Why did you leave me when….”

Seul Rin couldn’t control her tears. She just cried as Jaejoong kept on asking her.

“Seul Rin…. Why?” he asked as tears also streamed down his face.

“Because… because my mother was sick at that time… I needed a large amount of money and I didn’t know where to get it…. The president of your company suddenly offered me the amount that I needed for my mother’s operation… In exchange, I was … to leave you. He said I was just a disturbance in your career,” she finally confessed.

“What?” Jaejoong asked. He never expected the truth was so twisted. “So you’re saying… you left me because of… money?” he shouted with anger.

Seul Rin didn’t know how to answer his question. It was the truth… a very painful truth…

Hana unexpectedly approached them and shouted. “Why are you shouting at my Mama? I thought you were nice. I guess I was wrong. Just go! I don’t like you anymore. You’re making my Mama cry. Go! You can take the things you bought. I would rather go hungry than see my Mama cry.”

Jaejoong felt like someone just hit him straight in the face. The anger in his heart was immediately replaced with pity. He then carefully looked at the only woman he had loved. She was obviously very thin and looked very tired. He could only imagine the kind of hardships that she went through during the last four years. His heart immediately softened after he thought about her situation. Somehow he couldn’t imagine her working while she was pregnant with their baby.

“How… is your mother? Why are you alone?” he suddenly asked Seul Rin.

“She…. She died three months… after I left you. The operation wasn’t successful. It just prolonged her life for a bit,” she uttered as she tried to control her sobbing.

Again his heart was crushed. So she had been living alone for the last four years… She had gone through with her pregnancy … She gave birth … She took care of their baby …. She worked… And she raised their baby for the last four years… all alone…

He slowly approached her. Then he lovingly took her into his arms. “Why did you allow yourself to face all the problems alone when I could have shared all the responsibilities with you? Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? If you needed the money at that time, I could have helped you. We could have done something. You didn’t have to leave me. You didn’t have to lie to me. Do you know how much I have missed you? … I still love you Seul Rin… Everyday I think about you and I miss you,” he said as he allowed all his tears to fall.

She cried as she finally felt his warm embrace again. How she had missed him… She still loved him after four years. He was the only he had loved and will ever love.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” she uttered repeatedly.

“Ssshhh… everything will be all right now… I am here now… I promise I will take care of you and Hana….”


Hana screamed happily as Jaejoong lovingly tickled her continuously. “Papa, stop it… stop it,” the little girl said as she tried to catch her breath.

Not far from them… Seul Rin was busy preparing their lunch. “Hey, lunch is ready…” she announced.

Jaejoong lovingly carried her daughter and carefully placed her on a chair. “What’s for lunch?” he sweetly asked his wife.

“Your favorite,” she replied with a smile.

“Merry Christmas,” he then uttered with the sweetest smile that immediately made Seul Rin’s heart skip a beat.

“Merry Christmas too… and I missed you…” she replied back.

Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile again. “Tomorrow I am the one going to prepare our meal… I want to serve my queen… forever and ever …. and ever” he said as he lovingly touched her cheek and gave her a quick but very memorable kiss.

Their search was finally over. Fate had given them another chance. And as they lovingly looked into each other’s eyes, their hearts were already beating as one. They were finally together now and nothing was going to separate them again….


A deep hopeless sigh escaped my system as this song resounded in my room. It always reminds me of a very saddening reality and the season seems to ring a bell of my never-ceasing wish. I never believe in Santa Claus like dear Junsu oppa did. Yet sometimes, I find myself reasoning out to Santa that I’ve been a good girl all throughout the year. Maybe a day with DBSK would be great.

Yeah, you got it right. I’m a fangirl. One of those super dupers. I save money to buy their albums even if I can just freely download it in the net. Well, that’s how I can show my support to them. Religiously memorize their songs from Hug up to the latest, even if I’m struggling to pronounce the lyrics in Crazy Love. And going all insane in searching infos about them. And yes, I admit. I’m one of those who checked out their ideal women and see if I’m one (bet you did that too?).

I want to see them, as in meet them face to face. Some people may think that it’s utterly ridiculous, when I’ve seen them almost every minute in my computer. But it’s still different. I want to be a part of the red ocean on their concerts. I want to be by their side during this hard time. I want them to at least know my existence… I mean, they know they have fans but I want them to know that on
this side of the planet lives a “me”. I don’t demand them to befriend me but just to let them know or meet them is enough…

‘Yah! You’ve just got chosen to attend DBSK’s 6th anniversary…’

What’s with this pop window? I’m having my sentimentals here. Might as well close this…

Yah! Wait!
What?!! I’ve been chosen?!! To attend ?!!! KYAAAAA!!!! Woot!!!

After a few hours of airplane trip, I finally got here. Yah! I can’t believe I’m here… Okay, so… posters (where they would sign), check. Camera – fully charged, check. Pens, check (Yah! When I ask for their autograph I’ll ask them to use my pen… Can you imagine JaeJoong oppa’s fingerprints there?!!!). Sorry, I’m getting stalker-ish. But hey! Don’t tell me you won’t be ecstatic with the thought.

I waited patiently for their hottest, coolest, grandest and all the –est entrance of Dong Ba – KYAAA!!! There they are!!! Wooooh!!!! So the screamings continued… I think I’ll get a sore throat tomorrow. Harumanh nibangui shim nega dwegoshipo, Oh baby… Sorry, can’t help not to sing the song together – how shameful ehehehe… whatever.

Okay, moving on.

“We’re going to play a game…” the crowds cheered. “Whoever wins will have a some time alone with DBS – “ the audience applauded. I could see the host’s annoyed hey!-let-me-finish-first expression behind his bogus smile. After the mass had silenced , he explained the mechanics. It’s just simple, he asked a question and the first one to answer gets the oh-so-good-no-i-mean-best reward. Okay, don’t talk to me for a moment I’m concentrating…

“What is… the height of… Jae – “

Great. Somebody just got it.

“180 cm.” She answered sweetly, her eyes sparkling in a foretold triumph. The people groaned. They definitely know that she got it right.

“Mianhe… but that is incorrect…” the girl looked perplexed. “Okay, let me repeat the
question, What is the height of JaeJoong-ssi converted in nanometer?!!!”

1cm is equal to 10,000,000 nanometer so 180 x 10,000,000 is…

nanometers!!!” I shouted.


AHAHAHA!!! I can’t believe this!!! Ahahaha!! I’m meeting them. I waited patiently in their dressing room after the event. Then it dawned to me that I’m not fluent in Korean. Yah! What to do?!!! I checked my looks for the nth time and dig my head for some useful Koreans. I’m so absorbed that I didn’t notice them enter. They looked tired and some watchdogs, Ehrm~ I mean bodyguards are present. Yah! I remember the SM’s conditions, no conversation or contact between them. Yah! What on earth?!!!

“Annong… ehrm~ I mean… Anneyong… hase…yo?” I greeted unsurely.

They smiled. A genuine smile.

We kind of talk. And I could see their sincere effort to understand what I’m saying. I noticed that they are uncomfortable with those guards around. Well the brilliant me thought of a wonderful plan and the next moment, we are out of the building enjoying the amazing Christmas sight on the park. No watch dogs. No SM. Just me and the oppas in their true selves. As soon as we we’re out they hugged tightly.
“Yah! I miss you guys!!!” leader-ssi said as he embraced them. Tears streaming from their eyes. I gazed softly at them, contented at their united scene.

“Yah! What are you doing there? Join us here…” JunSu pulled me in their circle.

We had snowball fights and got really entertained by MinSu’s cute bickering. Then we bought some food and ate in the park.

“I’m glad to see your smiles again, DBSK-ssi…” I said in a not-so-perfect Korean but nevertheless they smiled.

“Thank You.” YooChun said.

“We’re lucky… no… we’re bless to have you guys on our side… Without the fans there’s no DBSK…”
JaeJoong said.

“Half true… Well, because if there’s no DBSK in the first place there would be no Cassiopeia, Bigeast, International Fans that would be formed. Let’s just say, both can’t exist without the other…”

“I just still can’t imagine that people like you exist. I mean, we’re not related nor acquainted yet the support you show us is more than enough for us to continue… Thank you… really…” ChangMin said.

= =
= = =
= = =
= = =
= = =

I never got to know if they got sermon from escaping from their bodyguards. But one thing I’m sure, they continued to share their great music. All five of them. The way we, fans, wish it to be. After that unforgettable event, I got back to normal. Sending letters and cards for them whenever it’s their birthday or anniversary. I got a reply… once. But that’s enough for me. Of course, they are busy bodies.
Hello! I’m not the only fan they would need to reply besides I already got a memorable time with them. I can’t demand for more. I’m cherishing every moment of it. I don’t know if they already forgot me… maybe yes… maybe no… A lot of people come and go in their lives. Would they remember me?... Yah! I’m getting too emotional here! I hate this!! AHAHAHA!!!

Woah!! Look at that! A rainbow!!!...

I stared at it from the park. Yah the little children are so cute, running like they could reach the edge of the rainbow, where it is said to be that there’s a pot of gold. I sighed. My desire for them is like chasing a rainbow… It’s very tiring and almost impossible. But whatever… I might not always reach the rainbow but I’m always free to see it even from down here…. From a far…. Anyway, my chase doesn’t end here, does it?... ^_^


A figure, a female figure to be exact could be seen walking by the nearly empty roadside. It’s Christmas Eve; those people should be at home now, spending time with their family members, unlike her.

Alone, cold and pressured.

She breathed out softly. Her breath comes out as vapor. Trying to warm up her body, she tugged the muffler tighter around her neck, not too tight that she might choke from it.

She wondered, did the people at the hospital realized about her? She had been gone from her room since 2 hours ago, they should’ve realized, right?

Not that she cared. She refused to go back to that dreadful place. Time is killing her, and so does that place.

She walked at the foreign road. Where am I? She thought silently as she wondered around. The road was unfamiliar, so does the people here. Everyone rushed pass her to get back to their houses, not even taking a second glance at her pale face and red blood lips.

“After all, I’m not worth to be recognized and realized…” She whispered silently, looking up at the nearly dark sky, watching the snow fall.

“God, why do you let me live on the first place?”


“Oppa, I’m sorry! I should’ve told you earlier…” She pleaded, tugging on his coat slightly, wanting his warmth to warm her cold body. Warm her cold heart.

But he pulled away.

“Oppa…” She tried reaching him, but he moved even further.

“We’re through.”

Her tears falls on her cheeks like waterfall. She couldn’t believe it. Her first love said that to her?

“You’re sick. I don’t want to live with someone who is sick like you.”

Her heart thumped loudly even now. Too loud, too fast that it made her feel the pain.

“Besides, I agreed on being with you because… I’m on a bet with my friends.”

Truth. Why are they so cruel?

Fate, are you playing your game on me?

“Goodbye. Hope you last long.”

Life, why do you have to be so cruel on me?

[End of Flashback]

She walked on the park, looking for a warm place to sit on and relax. But under the cold evening of 24th December, there’s no such place except for home.

Home. The word made her heart tremble.

She had no home since he left her. He was her everything. Since then, everyone, her uncle, her cousin left her.

They refused to take care of a sick person like her.

Her parents had left her since she was 7 years old. That was 10 years ago.

Today, 10 years after, everyone left her. Even her own blood-related. Her own brothers.

Life is unfair, right?

Realizing that her feet needs some rest, she sat on the nearest bench, under the large tree, covered with snow.

How she hoped that she has a companion on her last Christmas night. To warm her heart for the last time, before she says goodbye to the world.

She hugged her knees close to her body, trying to warm her cold body. She can feel it coming, the Death.

But she’s not feeling anything. She had made that decision, to enjoy her life for the last time, not just lying on the hospital bed, dying.

That’s when she could hear faint footsteps; it’s coming towards her direction.

“Excuse me, miss, are you alright?” A male voice greeted her in the silent evening. She looked up just to meet with that handsome face of his.

She could feel her heart started to warm once again. She smiled. He smiled too. She tried moving her legs, but seems like her limbs are failing on her.

She could feel her body slowly moving in the air, before darkness engulfs her completely.


“I’m sorry for being such a bother for you on this Christmas Eve.” She apologized for the nth time that night, as he placed a warmer cloth on her.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind.” He replied with a smile. The smile that made her heart flutters.

“Do you mind me asking?”

“Nope. Feel free to ask anything.”

“Don’t you have a family?”

He looked at her for a moment of silence before sighing out loud. That startled her, for a reason.

‘Is his fate the same as mine?’ She thought as she took a sip of the hot coffee.

“Be careful. It’s still hot.”

He then stood up slowly, making his way to the see-through wall, admiring the snowy view of the city.

“I don’t have a family.”

“I see. I guess fate made us meet like this.”

He turned around and took his seat, next to her. “What do you mean?”

She looked into his eyes and saw something. Something familiar. Longing. Lonely. Tears.

“Because neither do I.”


“WHAT?! YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!!” He roared suddenly, grabbing his coat on the table but was stopped by her hand. He looked into her eyes and can’t help but to get mesmerized by those doe-like eyes. How can anyone possibly not mesmerized by those beautiful blue eyes?

“I don’t want to. I’ll die earlier if I stay there.” She pouted sadly; he could see her cheeks glowing. Is she about to cry?

“Yoon… I’m sorry… Please don’t cry… You know you cannot cry…” He kneeled on his knees in front of her, holding on her chin, pulling her face slightly to face him.

Indeed, he could see tears were welling up at her beautiful eyes. He wiped them away before it even has time to spill.

“I’ll be with you tonight. On your last Christmas.”


That night, after changing to a more comfortable and warm clothing, they went out to the park to play. She had always wanted to go to the park, and he too. So to the park they went.

They played a lot of games and eat a lot of foods, despise the fact that it’s Christmas Eve, the park was nearly packed.

They had gotten closer that night, no more formal names, and little did they know, her heart is beating faster than ever, and so does his when they accidentally touched each other’s hand. They went to the photo booth, a lot of candid photos were taken, and she was happy. Happy that someone finally realized her existence. Is it too late to say those three words to him?

“Yoon! Say ‘Cheese’!” He laughed out loud when she accidentally bumped her head on his chest.


That moment was captured. Their closest distance that night. Her face was slightly flushed, yet still smiling. And his? He was laughing hard at her silliness with a slight shade of pink on his face.

The night had nearly come to its end. Their fun will end soon, but neither wants it to end.

Can they stop the time from ticking?


They were sitting at the swing, just outside a church. It was partly covered with snow but he brushed them off just for them to sit on it, enjoying the night view.

Her last few minutes.

“Yunho oppa… I’m very happy tonight.” Her voice is soft, as soft as the melody. Her smile was full and contented, indeed, she was very happy.

“I’ll bring this little memory of ours into my grave…” She continued when he didn’t reply. His heart beats faster when she said that. Somehow, he doesn’t want her to go.

“Yoon, don’t say that. You’ll always be in my heart, no matter where you are. Got that? And with me, our memories will always be cherished and remembered.” He placed her head on his broad shoulders, whilst he wrapped his arms around her small waist. They stayed like that until…

“Oppa, is it too late to say I love you?” She breathed out slowly; her voice is fading too…

“No, it’s never too late, Yoon. I love you too. Do you know that?” Tears started to form in his eyes. No matter how hard he tried to prevent them from falling on his cheeks, it’s useless. His tears come streaming down his face when he felt her body tremble slightly.

“Yunho oppa, thank you for everything… Thank you… For making me happy on my last Christmas… Thank…” She coughed; even her cough seems so painful. He caressed her body even more, trying to give her some warmth.

“…You… Thank you oppa… For warming my heart for the last time…” She shivered in the cold night of Christmas Eve. He hugged her even closer.

“You warmed mine too…” He simply said. That simple words coming out from his mouth, his simple thought brought a smile on her face. Even though it is painful.

“Yoon, is it painful? If it is, let me know… I want to feel it too…” He hugged her even closer, if it’s possible. She shook her head slightly, although it was so light, he could still feel it.

“No, it’s not. Because, I’m with you.” He smiled. He could feel hot droplets on his hands which were holding her securely around her waist. His tears flow down with hers.

“Yunho oppa, I’m so sleepy…” She placed her head on his chest; listening to his heartbeat gives her the will to live. At least, longer by few seconds.

“You want to sleep?” He asked her softly, afraid that if he said anything louder than the wind, she might just go away from him.

Silly, yet naïve thought of his.

“Just for a few minutes… Can I, oppa?” Her eyelids had gotten heavier. Her vision itself had blurred, part of them because of her tears, part of them because she’s actually losing her vision slowly, along with the life in her.

“Just, don’t forget to wake up, okay? We’ll go on a date tomorrow. Is that okay with you?” His voice was partly audible, and it’s clear that he’s trying to hold back his tears.

“Date on Christmas? It sounds so good to my ear… Deal?” She held out her pinkies, as he entwined his with hers.

“Deal. Now, sleep peacefully, alright?” He wrapped his muffler around her neck, giving her the last warmth.

“Yunho oppa…” She whispered. She could feel it. It had come. Yet, she still wanted him to know.

“Yes?” His tears falls even more hearing her soft yet painful whisper.

“I love you.” She breathed her last breath, along with her confession. Tears streaming down on her slightly pink cheeks, it descends slowly until it dropped on his arms that were around her waist.

While him, upon hearing her confession and her last breath, cried along. He had never felt so sad like this. Yet, he’s happy because he had met his angel.

“I love you too…”

----The End----


[December 1993]

“Nobody wanted me…Umma and Appa didn’t want me…My family…didn’t want…me…” a boy sobbed as he’s shivering. It’s so quite because it passed midnight. No light, just utter darkness that could be seen by the boy. People were taking good sleep in their home, preparing for the day after tomorrow. No one cared about him; he’s alone in this big and cruel world. He’s afraid, the darkness and coldness ate him. He couldn’t feel his feet, which covered with the snow. His fingers were frozen behind the torn up hand gloves. He could feel the cold breeze attacked his lungs, he couldn’t breathe. Later on, he just knew that the world was spinning around him.


“Hey…” a soft voice echoed in the boy’s earlap.

“Are you awake?” another voice asked, this voice was manlier, or so the boy thought.

The boy opened his mouth weakly; his eyes still hadn’t opened yet, mumbling unknown languages to the other boys that surrounded him.

“U……A….pp…pa…They…didn’t want me…” the boy’s voice became clearer as he opened his eyes, the eyes those are in tears now.

“He’s crying!!! That’s your fault!” another sharp and mean voice said.

“Hey! That’s not my fault, Minnie!” they protested.

“OK, OK. Stop fighting! He needed rest!” a dolphin-like voice said as he hugged the crying boy,” It’s OK. You’re not alone. I’m here for you…We’re here for you…”

Amazingly, in a few sec, the boy stopped his crying, he looked up to the other four boys that were surrounding him.

“Where am I?” the boy asked.

“Orphan house…” the sharp and mean voice answered.

“But, I’m not an orphan…” the boy protested.

“Hey! What’s your name?” the spiky-haired boy asked, changing the subject.

“Aren’t you suppose to tell the others yours before asking?” the boy asked.

“Oh, sorry. I’m the Great-King-Jung-Yunho!” the boy joked; he’s certainly not a king. A king would never wear a singlet.

“I’m the Number-One-Pianist-Park-Yoochun! Nice too meet you!” another boy, whose hair was kind of long said.

“I’m the Dolphin-Boy-Kim-Junsu!” the one that hugged the boy just now said.

“He has a great butt for your note…” the one left said,” I’m Changmin, by the way…”

“Hey! Minnie, where’s your title!? You should be the Horrifying-Strategist-Shim-Changmin!” Junsu teased back.

“Shut up!”

“OK, now, what’s your name?” Yunho asked the boy.



“Your fever has cooling down. You can walk now, but don’t get too tired, OK?” a nurse said as she caressed Jae’s cheek; he’s just like a lost boy.

“Boys! Take care of him, OK?” the nurse ordered as she left.

“Hey! Since you can walk now, let’s go outside! There’s tons of snow!” Yunho said.

“Yeah! Let’s make a snowman!” the other chorused together.


Jae walked again on the snow, but now there’re exact differences than the last time. He got new warm cloth; his boot was so comfortable, not like the old one. His torn up gloves weren’t there anymore; it’s replaced by the soft and cute-painted-gloves, just the way Jae liked it.

“Jae! What are you going to build?” Yoochun asked.

“I…I don’t know…” Jae answered bluntly. He lived in the streets, yet, he never played with the snow, and he always thought that’s horrifying. The snow would freeze him if he didn’t get enough warmness or food or sleep.

“Just make whatever you wanted…” Changmin suggested.

“How about an animal? Like a dolphin? That’s cute!” Junsu said.

“So, what are you going to build Jae?” Yunho asked again.

Jae thought for a sec, there’s one day when he was starving. He looked from a window of an expensive restaurant. He could see a shining shrimps with a golden plate, green vegetable with incredible taste, or so he thought and many more. Too bad because he was exiled by the owner; he didn’t eat for the rest of the day.

“I…I want to make food…” Jae said. The other seemed to be surprised, but in a good way.

In the end, Junsu really made a weird-looking-dolphin-with-a-duck-butt; Yoochun with his great grand piano; Yunho with his great stage (he said that he wanted to dance on a stage just like it someday); Changmin, he just made normal snowman, but Min was gone mad when he saw Jae’s creation. It’s like a dream to him. Tons of food!!! He loved food!!! That’s why he almost destroyed (ate) Jae’s creation if the others didn’t stop him. Jae laughed.

There’s another thing that Jae realized, he’s not alone again now. He got friends!


“Jae ah, what do you want?” Yunho asked as he played with Jae’s palm. They slept on the same bed; five of them. Yoochun and Yunho on the side; Jaejoong, Changmin, and Junsu in the middle.

“What did you mean?” Jae asked as he rubbed his eyes.

“Do you have anything you want at the moment?” Yunho asked as he made sure the blanket kept the boys warm.

“I…If…if this is a dream, I wish it never ended…” Jae said as a tear escaped his eyelids. Yunho who saw it immediately hugged him.

“Silly, it’s not a dream, we won’t leave you…”

And so the boys slept.


The next day…

“Wait! Where are you guys going?” Jae asked.

“We’ll be leaving for some times, we’ll back in the afternoon…” Yoochun said. They needed to make sure Jae stayed there, at their bedroom, that’s why Changmin said he’s going to lock the door once they got out.

“Noo!!! Don’t…!!!” Jae shouted as he hugged Yunho’s from the back, preventing the boy from leaving,” Don’t leave me…Don’t…”

Yunho couldn’t take it anymore; seeing the crying Jaejoong made his tiny heart hurt so much. He finally decided that he would stay with Jae while the others went out. After the three boys leaving, Yunho took Jae to their bed side. He opened the drawer and took a small box. Jae wasn’t crying anymore, but weak sobs could be heard.

“Mianhe…” Yunho said as he caressed Jae’s red-blushed cheek.

“I don’t want to…*sob*…be alone…” Jae sobbed.

“I know, I’m sorry…” Yunho said as let Jae sat on their bed and opened the small boxes. Magically, the box sang a beautiful melody. It made Jae’s sobbing stopped. It liked a harmony that brought warmness, happiness, calmness to Jae’s trembling heart. He hated being like this, depending on the others. But he couldn’t help it. After being thrown away by his parents, he didn’t have anyone. Until yesterday evening, bunch of boys greeted him as he woke up from his sleep; they were so nice, they even asked Jae to play with them. Little Jae certainly didn’t want to wake up if this was a dream. He wanted to be in it forever.

“Yunho…” Jae called.

“Hmm?” Yunho answered gladly, regarding Jae’s smiling face.

“Can I live here?” Jae asked,” I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to be with you guys. I don’t want to feel the coldness of the streets anymore…It’s horrifying, I…I…”

Jae stopped when Yunho hugged him. He liked being hug like this, even though it made him missed his Umma. But the boys’ presence was more precious to him now. He wanted to be part of them badly.

“Of course! You’re welcome here, Jae…” Yunho smiled.

Then, they listened to the music until it ended. Jae took the box, it’s the 1st time he saw a magical box like this.

“What is this?” Jae asked innocently,” I love this magical box…”

“It’s a present from my parents…For my 5th birthday…It’s a music box…” Yunho answered.

“Parents? Where are them now?” Jae asked as he put the box back on Yunho’s palm.

“In heaven…I guess so…” Yunho’s eyes were filled with sadness, but somehow, there’s hope too,” They died in accident last year. I didn’t have any relative, that’s why I’m here…”

“…Sorry…” (Jae)

“No need to apologize…Everyone here lost something valuable…” (Yun)


The boys went out too the next day. This time, Junsu stayed with Jae. The others would be back in the evening.

“Junsu…” Jae called.

“Hmm?” (Su)

“Where are they going? Yesterday and now…” Jae asked.

“Err..ehm! They need to do some errand for the nurses…” Junsu answered.

“I want to help too…” Jae pouted cutely. Junsu smiled.

“You just recovered from your high fever, so maybe next time, OK?”


“Yunho! Yoochun! Changmin!” Jae hugged the boys as they entered the room.

“Hey, calm down Jae…”

“I couldn’t breathe…”


Jae let them go. He already got used to them; he could act more openly to them now. He was about to protest why they late, but Yunho spoke first.

“Jae, let’s go somewhere, all of us!”

So Jae followed without complaining, he’d been SO bored, wasting his-two-day-time in his bedroom, taking a good rest to make sure the fever wouldn’t come back again. He let the boys leaded him, step by step, trusting them completely. They walked along the hall, then after few seconds, they turned left, to the room that Jae had never been before. Jae stopped when the other stopped walking; he looked at them confusedly.

“Open the door…” Yunho said. So, Jae opened the door. Jae couldn’t believe what he saw. They were in a medium-sized hall. A huge sign was there, saying, “Welcome to Your New Family, Kim Jaejoong!” It was like a dream to little Jae. The word family kept echoing in his mind. He got a family! Jae was stunned, didn’t move an inch. Tears escaped his eyelids, even though he tried so hard to not crying; the tears were unstoppable.
“Jae! Are you OK?” the boys chorused together. Jae shook his head right-and-left. The others were more confused. They hugged Jae as Jae crying so hard; he nurses even trying to calm Jae down. After few minutes, Jae stopped crying, he hugged the boys, not willingly to let go.

“I…always wanted *sob* a…family…” Jae tried to talk as he tried to calm down.

“Jae…You got us now…” Yoochun said.

“Yup, we’ll be your brothers!” Junsu declared.

“Forever…” Min added.

“That’s why, stop cying, OK? We want to see our Joongie smiling…” Yunho said.

“So…So, in these two days, you guys were…” (Jae)

“Yeah, we’re preparing your welcoming ceremony!” The boys said proudly and smiled.

“And one more things…” Changmin said.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!” the boys chorused together. Jae just stared blankly; later on, he finally realized today was 25th December.


[Present Time]

“Good work all of U!!!” the director said.

“Thank you so much for the hardwork!” TVXQ chorused together. Later on, they changed their cloth. After that…

“Chun ah, do you see Jae?” Junsu asked. Yoochun shook his head.

“Where’s hyung gone to?” Changmin asked.

“I’ll look for him…” Yunho, the leader said. The other followed eventually, Jae had been acting kind of weird since the morning, and they worried about him. That’s when one of the staff told them that Jae was in his changing room, they went there.

They knocked the door, no one answering. Then, they opened it slowly. It’s so dark, no light, no sound. Suddenly the light was on, leaving the four shocked, not because the sudden light, but the figure that they saw. He’s holding a cake on his hand and the table in front of him was filled with lots of food.


“Merry Christmas!!!” Jae said as he hugged his member. The other finally realized today was the 25th December.

“Jae hyung ah~” Yoochun smiled

“Kumawo…” the other chorused.

Then they started to attack the food. Jae made all of it, he felt satisfied that his member ate all of it happily, they chatted and fooling around. Just like the old days.

“Yunho, here…” Jae said as he gave a box in warp paper. He gave the three others too. They just stared blankly. Later on, Jae said,” It’s…Christmas preset from me…”

They opened it. Junsu got a headset with a dolphin symbol on it, Junsu liked it so much. Yoochun got a cloth with huge piano pictures on it, he really loved the present. Changmin, well, nothing would make our Minnie happier than food. He was given a ticket to eat freely at an expensive sushi restaurant. ’I LOVE YOU HYUNG!’ Min said. Lastly, Yunho. He opened the present carefully. A brown box showed itself. Yunho opened it as a melody covered the whole room. It’s a music box, exactly the same with little Yunho had few years ago.

“I…I know your music box had broken, that why I try to look for the same model. I know the meaning is different, since it was your parents’. But still, I want to give it to you…” Jae said.

Yunho rushed to Jae’s side and hugged him. The others followed too. Jae just smiled happily, the happiness and warmness were in him now; he’s really full of joy.

For others, maybe Christmas was just a Christmas Day, but for Jae, it’s when his happiness started, when he met his member.



I stared unblinking at the front entrance way of the mall. Still Jae Joong was not here yet. I looked down to my watch. Already he was twenty minutes late. Looking up again, I tip toed so I can see above the huge crowd.

Already things have gone bad. Jae Joong and I were to meet here, but then a huge crowd had swept into the mall and the crowd wasn’t a good thing, after all Jae Joong was a celebrity.

“Looking for me,” a familiar voice from behind me said.

“You’re late” I replied.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make it up for you, after all it is the New Year.

I smiled.

“Look there’s Hero Jae Joong!” A fan shouts as she spots us.

Jae Joong smiles holding his hands out to me.


I laugh and grab hold of Jae Joong’s hand. We ran through the crowd and to his car, which was park at the front of the mall. He opens the door for me before going around the front of the car and getting in quickly.

He started the car and off we were headed.

We were in the car for a little before he grabbed a bag from his jacket he had been wearing. After taking the bag out he threw his coat to the back seat behind him.

Hero gives me the little red bag. “Open it” he says happily.

I open the bag. Inside was a beautiful silk black box and blue sandals.

I looked inside the bag as the curiosity got the better of me. Inside the box held a necklace with the words Jae and Jessica forever carved on it.

I smiled lovingly as I stared at the necklace. “Happy New Year” he said happily.

“What’s the sandals for” I ask curiously,

His smile broadens as he replies, “you’ll see.”

He stopped his car as he got out of the car and came to open my door as we got to our destination.

I haven’t been paying attention to the car ride until now. Now I saw that we were at the beach. I got out and looked around. The sun was setting making the beach look beautiful as the sky became a beautiful shade of orange. The New Year’s cold air also was one of the first things I noticed.

Slowly Jae puts his hands around my hand (the on not holding the bag) and says, “now do you know what the sandals are for.”

I smile and put on the sandals. Carefully I took the high heels that I had been wearing off and slip them into the car.

Hero then takes my hand and shut the door. We walked on the beach for a few minutes talking and chatting about the day. Hero had the sleeves of his dark blue jeans folded up and was wear a fragile long-sleeved shirt that had a deep opening, showing off his muscled chest. The light from the sinking sun behind him made him look like an angel as he stood there grinning at me.
Smiling he looks at me playfully. “Want to go for a dive?”


Hero ran into the crashing wave and splashed water at me. The water was cold but I wanted to get him back. So I ran into the crashing wave and splashed water at him. After constant screaming, getting wet and cold Hero and I stepped back out. Hero’s head was drenched in water and his clothes were wet. The shirt he had been wearing was now clinging onto his muscular body and he was standing there smiling. Shivering a bit but that was it.

Hero all of sudden walks up to me and did something unexpected. He leaned down and kissed my cheek. I was so started I looked up at him. He was wearing that beautiful flirtish grin as he looks down at me.

He laughs and takes off running.

I chased off after him. It took me a few minutes to catch up to him. But I was having a hard time chasing after him with the sandals on so I took them off and chased after him with them in my hands.

I finally caught up with him pulled him down onto the ground. Breathing hard I laughed.

Finally I looked at him. “Need help” I asked.

He smiles and held his hand. I grabbed it and was about to pull him up when he pulled me down. The sandals flew out of my hands and Hero got on top of me, kissing me on the lips. Wow. My heart fluttered so fast I thought I was going to faint.
Jae joong slowly stop kissing me and just stayed there on top of me. I gently pushed him up. He sat down, and I got up and sat down next to him. His arms were around my waist and my head was on his shoulders. As the sun set we watched the beach change colors.

By now both of us were covered with sand, still wet and the wind started to become stronger, making me get goosebumps.
Jae Joong looks at me longingly. “Still want to chase after me” he asks teasingly.

I playfully punched him in the arm and looked at him. By now the sun had become golden orange and the sun made some shadows on Hero’s face. He looked amused and happy.

“Come on” he says as he stands up and holds out his hand to me. With Hero’s help I got up and grabbed my sandals. Hero entwines his fingers with mine as we walked near the shore. Hero and I walked and talked for awhile before he bend down in front of me and put my feet around him. He then stood up. Carrying me with him as he stood up.

I looked at him. “What are you doing” I ask suspiciously

He smiled. “I’m giving you a piggy back ride.”
I looked at him, he looked like he was having a very good time. Slowly I leaned on him and put my hands around his neck, one hand still holding the sandals…

…The End






I count the seconds with grim amusement, tipping the wine glass and watching as the contents inside sloshed a dark, cranberry red.

The television is static, just images that fail to catch my attention as I wait for Christmas to come.

Slowly, my eyes return to the clock hanging on the wall, watching with bated breath as the minutes trickle by.

5 more minutes...

Feeling unproductive, I placed the wine glass on the coffee table and watched the wine settle at the bottom.

It looks dull, lonely...

Mirroring exactly what I felt now.

If only things were different..


"Hyung! What's taking you so long?" Junsu asked, watching me cook with apt concentration.

"Yeah hyung. I’m hungry." Changmin c0mentd, leaning against the d0orway of the kitchen. He smirked. "You're losing your touch, aren't you?"

"Yah! Min! Just for that, you won't get to eat what I made!"

"Jaejoong hyung, I'll eat Changmin's share!"Junsu eagerly suggested, eyes fixed unto my flawless creation.

"Hyung~ you love me don't you? Don’t listen to dolphin boy!” Changmin shot back, grabbing my sleeve.

I laughed, and tried to shake his hand off, but he wouldn’t budge. Yunho then peeked curiously from the doorway, watching the chaos we create in the kitchen.

"Yah, you two! Go back to the living room, Yoochun’s waiting for you to finish your game!”

The two scurried off to the living room, outbursts prevalent as they continued to oust each other.
"Yah! Max Changmin! Give it back!"

I smiled at Yunho, who shrugged and grinned back at me. “Need help, Jaejoong ah?"

I smiled at him good naturedly. "No need Yunho yah! I’ll bring it there myself. Just watch the 3 of them, make sure they don’t do anything beyond what is normal." I cringed when I heard a crash.

"For them?"

I felt my lips tilt in mirth.

“For them!”

-End Flashback-

I looked at the bare kitchen lifelessly,

I should be preparing food for my dongsaengs now, not staring at the clean -almost too clean- table.

I’m alone.

I feel lethargy creeping up my limbs as the silence suffocates me in.

I can’t breathe..

4 more minutes.

Until the clock strikes twelve.


"Jae hyung! Where’s the wine?" Yoochun hollered, rummaging the cupboards as I placed the food oN the coffee table.

"It’s in the fridge, Yoochun ah." I shouted back, making my voice louder as Changmin and Junsu did the same, bickering over the food.

Yunho was laughing by my side at the two’s antics as Yoochun came and placed the wine bottle on the table.

-End flashback-

Sitting down once again on the plump cushions, I wait for the laughter to bounce back to me...

But it never came.

The wine bottle looked at me morosely.

It is silent. Unmoving.

I tear my eyes away and glanced at the clock.

3 more minutes till Christmas.


"We should try fireworks." Yoochun suggested, eyes gleaming mischievously.

I grinned and nodded with excitement, mirroring the others’’ expressions.

Without missing a beat, Junsu and Yoochun pulled us outside to our balcony.

Seoul glitters with magnificence, twinkling lights making the city appear bustling, alive. The stars are bright in the distance, as fireworks set all over the city.

I laugh as the light blinds me, smoke clinging to my clothing as we lit each firework, one by one.

It was beautiful.

-End flashback-

It was still the same.

I grip the balcony railing tightly, my eyes taking in all the city has to offer. Tall skyscrapers tower over the buildings by its side. Han River was breathtaking; the light’s reflection bounced on its surface and created a muted, orange glow. The city is alight with bright lights, making it appear like the city is ablaze.

Fireworks still littered the midnight sky, splashes of color against a dark canvas.

Seoul didn’t change…

But we did.

2 more minutes…


"Jaejoong ah, here’s your gift…Sorry, I wasn’t able to wrap it up...” Yunho said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

I pouted at him, my hand extending to receive his gift. “Why??”

“I was really busy shooting Heading to the Ground..I had to ask the director to cut me some slack and give me fifteen minutes to buy everyone’s gift..” He replied, digging his bag to give me my gift.

Pulling it out from the depths of his bag with a flourish, he handed me the parcel.

My hands shaking with excitement, I opened it, and almost immediately, my eyes moistened.

"Yah, hyung! Are you crying?" Junsu asked me, confusion written on his features, plain as day.

"Men cry in their hearts, don’t they, hyung?" Changmin commented slyly.

Yunho slapped Changmin’s hand lightly.

"Don’t mind Changmin…just cry, hyung." Yoochun told me, patting my back.

I laughed instead.

-End flashback-

Now is the perfect time for me to cry, isn’t it, Chun?

Now, when no one can hear how my heart is tearing into pieces because of your absence.

I cover my face with my hands, feeling my shoulder’s shake as I try to hold back my tears.





I miss you.

1 more minute…

Till the Clock strikes twelve.


"A toast to TVXQ!" I said proudly, raising my glass high above my head.

"For our success." Yunho smiled, as his hand found mine.

"For our pains and sufferings." Yoochun whispered solemnly, Junsu’s arm flung over his shoulder for support.

"For everything we ever achieved.." Changmin announced, clapping Yoochun on his back.

"For our Cassiopeia. For our family. And for ourselves.” Junsu said, as Changmin gave him a one arm hug.

Slowly, I drank the cold liquor and felt it burn a little down my throat. I placed my glass on the table, flung my arms around Yunho and Yoochun, and looked at the time.

It is 12 o’ clock.

Merry Christmas.

End Flashback

“A toast...” I whispered bitterly, my lips against the rim of my glass as my tears threatened to spill over. “To myself...”
For losing all that I had.
For regretting my decisions.
For crying over my mistakes.
For trying to forget when I certainly can’t.
For crying when I should be happy.
For missing you.
For wishing you to come back.
For wanting you to be by my side.
“Merry Christmas, hyung!”

Junsu squealed, as Changmin shoveled past him to give me a bone crushing hug.

Yunho and Yoochun waltzed in, carrying bags of grocery upon each arm. They grinned at me, making their way to the kitchen to place them down. Hurrying back, they wasted no second to join in the impromptu group hug, pulling Junsu in with them while they suffocate me with their hugs.

Seeing my tear streaked cheeks, Yunho smiled and wiped them away. ‘Didn’t think we would come, would you?”

I just stared, fresh tears brimming over even as I try to hold them back. “But I…”

“Thought SM wouldn’t allow us to see you?” Changmin scoffed, crossing his arms in pretend anger. “Hyung, even if that were the case, you know better than that.”

Yunho pulled me into his arms, my tears soaking his shirt as he tried to comfort me, but failing terribly. “Changmin’s right, Jaejoong ah. We wouldn’t leave you, you know.”

“How could you cry like that, hyung? I’m the crybaby, not you!’ Yoochun pouted, even as his tears fell down silently, eyes reddening.

“Yunho hyung promised us, remember?? With our Cassiopeia…the Five of us will never part!” Junsu exclaimed, patting Yoochun on the shoulder softly.

I choked back a laugh, wiping my tears away as Yunho let me out of his embrace, choosing instead to flung his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’ve had doubts. Will you forgive me?” I said, pouting my lips as I looked at my dongsaengs.

Changmin rolled his eyes, as Junsu and Yoochun affectionately latched on his arms, grinning happily, despite the tear stains on Yoochun’s face, and the slight reddening of Junsu’s eyes. Changmin’s eyes softened.

“Hyung, you’re human. It’s normal to have doubts. But you trust me and Yunho hyung, right? That no matter what happens, we’d never do anything to hurt you? Yoochun hyung and Junsu hyung also remember that, right?”

They both nodded, Junsu clasping the silver chain around his neck, feeling the cold metal touch his bare skin, shouldering the burden of a particular promise. Yoochun held his hand over his heart, to symbolize his steadfast trust in everyone, as long as his heart kept beating.

They had remembered, to Always Keep the Faith.

As we all linked hands, hearing the echoes of that heavy promise as the rest of the world shouted the greetings for the holiday… I realized then.
We are more than just TVXQ. We are a family.


Junsu was kicking the ball to the wall, even knowing the weather was cold he was outsider everyday to practice for his upcoming football match.

“Really good Junsu” His coach came to him.

“With you in the team we will win this match” Junsu smiled big, he felt so happy. The team needed him for the upcoming match.

A week was going by and it was the day of the match. Junsu did his best and scored 2 times. After 1 hour of playing it happened. He had the ball, a kid from the other team was running next to him to get the ball, Junsu tripped and felt of the kid his leg, he back on his leg but directly felt on the ground with a big pain in his leg. The coach run fast to him.

“JUNSU! JUNSU! Are you all right?” He said with a worried face, that was the last thing Junsu heard because he fainted of the pain.

“Hellooo…” He heard a unknown voice above him. When he opened his eyes he saw 2 big brown eyes watching him.

“He he you are awake I started to feel bored” The girl said. Junsu blinked a couple of times. He saw a bit jumping around in the room.

“Oh yea my name is Ha-Neul that means sky” She said which such a happy cheerful voice, but also irritating. Junsu hasn’t said anything yet.

“You broke your leg right, what are you a stuntman, footballer?” Still Junsu could say a thing to
come between her talking. It was like she was a motor who was running.

“You don’t say much, you know what! I like you” Junsu blinked hard. Like me without knowing me.

“Well I go now, But see you tomorrow” The girl walked away but came then back.

“Oh what is your name?”


“I like that name!” Now her head disappeared, and Junsu lay back with his head on his pillow.
Looking to the sealing.

The next day Junsu could go home, he was still wondering about that girl he had met. Her name was…
“Ha-Neul” A woman shouted her name. Junsu looked around and saw her cheerful walking by his door. He had to laugh soft to himself. Weird girl. What did she had why was she here?
Junsu saw his parents coming together with his brother and the walked “well Junsu was in a wheelchair” outside.

“So Junsu how do feel now” His mother asked him.

“I am fine now” and there the go on there way home.

6 weeks where passing by and his plaster could be remover from his leg. Junsu suddenly was wondering about that girl he met then. Ha-Neul. He suddenly heard a familiar laugh. Was
she still here, wasn’t she recovered.

“So Junsu, try now to see if you can walk” Junsu came of his bed and he stood on his leg. Everything felt all right with his leg.

“Well thank you doctor” Junsu said polite and he walked away. With his parents.

“Mom, Dad? Can you wait a second for me, I want to see somebody fast” He parents nodded yes and Junsu walked slowly away since he couldn’t walk so fast. Ha-Neul passed him by. She stood still and walked back.

“Haven’t I seen you here before?” She asked again with her cheerful voice

“Yea we did” Junsu said back with a smile. Those 2 talked a bit with each other.

The couple of days and weeks he came everyday to the hospital where she was so the could meet. His brother keeps saying to him he was in love but he keeps denying it. Junsu wasn’t in love, at least he said to himself. He knew a lot about the girl now. Her age, her name, even things about her family. But still there was 1 thing she didn’t want to tell him, and that was why she was in the hospital. She keeps telling she worked there also but somehow Junsu didn’t believe it. As months went over it started to become December and a happy time for Junsu. He loved December it was the month where his birthday was, Christmas was and a month where the said goodbye to the old year.

“Junsu” Somebody covered his eyes.

“Happy birthday” When he turned around he saw Ha-Neul with a little cake in her hands. She still had the same happy smile on her face. Like she always had and, but her face looked

“Are you all right?” Asked Junsu with a worried face.

“Oppa! It is your birthday so you should relax, don’t stress about me!” said Ha-Neul.

“I got a surprise for you so let’s go outside!” She grabbed his hand and dragged him outside the
hospital. When the came outside Junsu saw a big present.

“For…me??” Junsu could not believe how big it was.

“It is not only from me but from all the people who work here to since you came here so much and did so many things for us” Junsu smiled like a little child and run to the present. When he got the paper of he saw a big plushie teddy bear.

“It is so cute!!” Junsu said but he didn’t hear a word of Ha-Neul. He turned around and saw she
lay on the ground.

“Ha-Neul!” Said Junsu shocked and run to her. He got her in his arms and run inside.

“Doctor, please something happened to her,” he said to the first doctor he saw. The next 2 hours looked like days for Junsu. He was so worried something bad happened to her and he didn’t had the time to tell her…that he…

“I love her” Suddenly Junsu realised it. “I want to give her a great Christmas and a happy new year” He said to himself. He was so busy talking to himself that he didn’t realized the doctor stood in from of him.

“Excuse me sir but she if awake now” “Oh thank you” Junsu ran fast to Ha-Neul. He saw her lying on the bed and for the first time he saw her crying. What happened to the happy and full of
energic Ha-Neul?

“Are you all right”

“Oh, Junsu, yea I am all right sorry to make you worry so much, I didn’t had that much sleep last

“Why don’t you tell the truth” Junsu said while he walked closer to her and sit the side of her

“Why do you come here everyday while you are not sick?”

“That is not important now”

“If you tell me that, I will tell you why I am here everyday,” Ha-Neul said with a serious tone in
her voice.

“All right, the reason I come here everyday is because of you! I love you!” After Junsu said that
Ha-Neul was shocked.

“Lo-love me, for real?”
“Yea I do! And I want to give you the best Christmas ever and maybe even a nice
new year”
“Really?” She placed her arms around his waist. “Junsu, please don’t be sad when I tell you this,
but the reason for me to be here is…”

“Ssst…” Junsu made her stop. He got out a little book from his pocket with a pen. “I always have this with me for if I meet somebody famous, but today I have it for you, Write in this book what you have, and anything you want to tell me but can not tell my strait” Ha-Neul nodded her had and got the book with the pen.

“Thanks, Oppa” Junsu return her with a smile before the doctor came inside.

“Sir, you need to go now, she needs to rest”

“Yes sir, And Ha-Neul, remember the book” He walked outside and he still found the big teddy bear on the ground. He picked it up and walked on his way home.

“Ha-Neul you have to put on your coat” Junsu said to her while he gave her coat.

“Thanks oppa, so where are we going”

“My dad has a restaurant and he made something special for us because I asked him so I hope
you will like it”

“Really, Oppa is the best!” She said, she was her happy self again. Junsu didn’t know how long she would be with him but until that time. He wanted to make her feel happy, he didn’t want to know what she had so that he didn’t needed to worry to much.

“Dad, we are here” He walked inside and Ha-Neul her eyes looked surprised of what she saw. The whole restaurant was made in the Christmas spirit. Red, green, silver and even a bit gold. There was a bit Christmas tree and so much more. On 1 of the tables she saw a present and a paper above it with her name on it.

“That is for you” Junsu said and helped her to sit down on a chair. When she unpacked it she saw
a pair of gloves.

“To keep you warm this winter when I am not around” Junsu said. He-Neul got tears in her eyes.

“He why are you crying?” Junsu asked.

“About, that you do this for me” She said

“I just want you to feel happy that is al, so if you are happy I am to!” not much later his dad
came with the food.

“Enjoy your dinner” and he walked away. After the dinner was over Junsu walked outside with Ha-Neul while he putted her gloves on.

“Thanks” The both walked away. Suddenly Ha-Neul felt something on her noise.

“Oh it is snowing” the both started to smile and stand still to watch the snow fall down.

“Ha-Neul!” Junsu suddenly shouted. When she looked to him she saw he made a photo of her.

“Aaah why did you do that” She said while she had to laugh.

“Because I want to remember this moment with you!” Junsu said. “Well come here” He made a picture of them together now. The night started to fall.

“I guess, we should go back” Junsu said when he saw Ha-Neul shivering.

“Thanks oppa” Ha-Neul said. He wanted to walk away but Ha-Neul got his hand fast.

“Oppa, you forgot, my present” She said and kissed him.

“Junsu, Hello” His brother said to him but Junsu was with his head into the pink clouds of love.

“Somebody here is really in love” His mom said while she placed a piece of a cake for his face.

“Huh, what is it?” He said and then saw the piece of cake right in front of him. He started to eat
fast of it.

“Hyung, I go sleep now” He said to his brother and walked away. That night he had the sweetest

The next day he was on his way to the hospital. The happy feeling he had when he walked into the hospital was gone. He saw somebody with a sad face walking to him.

“We expected you to come today, follow me” Junsu had directly a bad feeling and that became
stronger to the place where she brought him and gave him a few stuff.

“I am sorry” she said and then left him alone. Junsu could not keep his tears inside. He opened the book he gave her and started to read.

15 December 2009,

Dear Junsu,

Today you gave me this book to write my things down. So I going to do that for you, so you can read them later. Today there are a few things I would like to say to you.
• I am sick, I have leukaemia, but you
didn’t want to hear it so I write it down for you
• Thanks for the great time you gave me.

Junsu was reading and reading until he came to the last page, the page of yesterday.

Junsu there is just 1 thing I always wanted to say to you and that is I lov…

From there the page stopped. Junsu tears where falling down of his cheeks on his pants. He could not believe it she really left him.

A year passed by, it was Christmas again. He wanted to come every Christmas to this place to remind her. He always wanted to remember her. The happy cheerful girl she was even when she was sick. Every Christmas he would remember her. As the girl who stole his heart and could keep it from him. Ha-Neul, with the name meaning “sky”.